


The Grinch

by tprillahfiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Crack, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Party, Christmas Tree, Christmas aboard the Enterprise, Christmas celebration, Christmas fic, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, First Time, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, K/S Advent, K/S Advent 2015, M/M, Mistletoe, Oral Sex, The Grinch - Freeform, War on Christmas, bottle show, excuse for sex, grinch, mistletoe kiss, set aboard the Enterprise, sex underneath the christmas tree, shipboard fic, spock's pov, the grinch that stole christmas, too much Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 08:25:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5449928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock finds Christmas celebrations and decorations aboard the Enterprise to be illogical and distasteful.  He decides to take it upon himself to remove any trace of Christmas, that is until Jim sets a Grinch trap.</p><p>Written for K/S Advent 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grinch

Spock raises an eyebrow as he spots a giant live evergreen tree being carried down the corridor by several technicians in red jumpsuits. Dr. McCoy follows the procession, a grin plastered across the human's face. "That's it, right there," the doctor calls out. "Turn left, rec-room A is the first door on the right. Easy, don't drop needles all over the goddamned deck!" 

Spock stops the human. "Pardon me, Doctor."

The doctor glances up. "Oh, sorry, Mr. Spock, didn't mean to get in your way." 

"What is this?"

"What does it look like, Mr. Spock?" McCoy replies.

"It appears to be a tree."

"It's a Christmas tree. Douglas fur to be exact." McCoy's attention moves again to the technicians. "At least it will be a Christmas tree when it's decorated. Careful!" The human chases after the men, leaving Spock in his wake. Spock watches, puzzled. 

"Everything alright, Mr. Spock?" Spock turns again to find Captain Kirk behind him. "You appear to be perturbed."

"Why is Dr. McCoy bringing in a live evergreen tree aboard the Enterprise and furthermore where did it originate from?"

"You've never seen a Christmas tree before, Mr. Spock?" the captain asks. "Really?"

"Not in real life, only images, and never aboard a working starship."

"You don't celebrate Christmas on Vulcan."

"Of course not, Captain."

"Well, the tree is uh...It's going to the main rec-room for the Christmas party we're having on Christmas day," Kirk replies. "You're invited, of course. The tree's gonna look gorgeous when it's fully decorated. It came from Earth. Arrived by shuttlecraft."

"I had not authorized a recent shuttlecraft delivery," Spock protests.

Kirk grins. "I did. And last time I checked, Mr. Spock, I outrank you." 

"Yes, Captain, however, a tree of that size brought aboard the Enterprise cannot be regulation."

"Oh, you're right. It's not. Not exactly. However, Mr. Spock, crew morale requires that there be a Christmas tree during the holiday season."

"Crew morale?" Spock asks. "This is beneficial?"

The captain nods and walks away. Spock is left to ponder this, standing in the corridor. 

*

The situation has become most bizarre aboard the Enterprise since that 'Christmas tree' was brought aboard. Spock has ruled out an alien virus infesting the crew. Indeed, this 'Christmas' celebration must be of their own volition, but why?

A work detail hangs live green branches with red clusters of berries along both sides of the corridors. Spock watches the technicians, led by Mr. Scott, the men standing on ladders, placing large red bows at various intervals. 

"Doesn't the holly look fantastic, Mr. Spock?" Mr. Scott asks. "We're installing it on every deck."

"Indeed." Spock raises an eyebrow. "This is not regulation." 

"Aye it's not. But who cares?" Mr. Scott smiles and gets back to directing the technicians.

*

Spock enters sickbay. He is flabbergasted by the sight. The entire ward is decorated in reds and greens and white and silver and gold. There is another 'Christmas Tree' in the corner. However that Christmas tree appears to be artificial as it is metallic. There are twinkling lights, round balls hanging from the branches, strings of silver. The doctor enters carrying several gifts that have been elaborately wrapped in metallic paper and tied with bows in various colors. The human plonks them down underneath the tree. "Hi, Spock. How do you like it?" 

"The sickbay ward...is completely unrecognizable," Spock says. 

"Thanks!" McCoy gushes. "Chapel and I did it. Took forever! But I thought maybe if somebody is injured during the holiday season, a patient might appreciate some Christmas cheer around here. Neat huh?" The doctor grins and walks back to his office. Spock follows him. At least the Chief Medical Officer's office will be free from unnecessary trappings. 

Spock stands in the doorway and finds himself gaping at the view. 

"What do you think?" McCoy asks.

"Your office...." Spock begins. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, looks like a 'Merry Christmas' bomb exploded in here. Well, hell, I love Christmas. What can I say?"

Spock glances around. There is another artificial Christmas tree in the corner of the doctor's office which is also festooned with baubles and lights and a star at the top. Additionally there are more brightly wrapped gifts under this tree. There are Christmas style decorations from one side of the room to the other. Velvet oversized socks are hanging up on a fake 'fireplace', each one bearing the name of a member of medical staff. Spock leans over to examine a plastic stick, resembling an old fashioned striped cane, fastened to the bulkhead by some type of glue.

"Oh, here, Mr. Spock." McCoy reaches into a glass bowl and pulls out a much smaller striped cane. "Try this. It's peppermint flavor. Safe for Vulcans." 

Spock takes it from him. "What do I do with this?"

McCoy motions at him. "It's a candy cane, you green blooded Vulcan, you eat it. Well, you lick it. Don't try to bite through it, you might break your teeth off."

Spock hands the 'candy cane' back to the doctor. "Thank you, I will decline."

"How about some eggnog?"

"No."

"A Christmas cookie? I baked them myself."

"Absolutely not."

"Suit yourself, Mr. Spock." McCoy suddenly dons a pointed red velvet hat with with fur trimming.

"What is that?" Spock asks. 

"Santa hat. Want one?" McCoy holds another one up. The doctor looks ridiculous in the hat, but does not seem to mind.

"No, thank you." Spock turns on his heel and exits.

*

Spock walks along the now elaborately decorated corridor, heading into the turbolift. In here someone has hung up a wreath which sports a huge red bow. Spock raises an eyebrow. "Bridge," he says to the computer. At least up there it will be free from frivolity.

*

The bridge is....

Spock sighs. The entire bridge is infested with Christmas. Multi-colored lights have been strung over every duty station. Even on the captain's chair. A Christmas song blasts out of the speakers: "Deck the Halls". Mr. Chekov hums along with the tune. Mr. Sulu taps along to the music. There is a Christmas tree next to the viewscreen. Mr. Chekov goes from station to station, handing out candy canes. Lieutenant Uhura is wearing wreath earrings. 

Spock vacates the bridge in disgust. 

"Mr. Spock, you forgot your candy cane!" Chekov calls out after him.

*

Perhaps engineering will be a safe refuge. 

No, that area is just as repulsive, if not worse than the state of the bridge. 

*

Spock pays a visit the captain's cabin. Jim's cabin is also festooned with Christmas. There is a tree in the corner with gifts underneath, lots of decorations, a stocking that says: 'Captain' on it. 

"I just love Christmas, Mr. Spock," the captain says with a shrug.

"Ah. Good evening, Sir." Spock turns around and leaves.

*

Several days later, Spock exits his quarters with a considerable amount of dread. Today is the day that the Earth Humans that inhabit this ship call 'Christmas Eve'. Apparently it is an important day in anticipation of tomorrow, Christmas Day. There are non-stop smiles, laughter, Christmas caroling, the wearing of non-regulation 'Santa Hats' by the entire crew, the constant wishing of 'Merry Christmas' the slurping on eggnog and candy canes, the nausea inducing partying and cookies and food and music wafting through the corridors and duty stations. 

This disgrace must end now. It is much too much to deal with.

Something must be done. Today.

Spock considers his options as he returns to his quarters to hide. He could try using the transporter to beam the offending objects off the ship out into space. However, the captain would most likely discover the culprit, due to the transporter logs. Also, the captain would be immediately alerted to the use of the device and not be too pleased--as the man has been caught up in this as well. 

Spock could conceivably formulate a serum that compels the crew to suddenly come to their senses and take a strong disliking to Christmas--and then the crew could be counted on dispose of the Christmas articles themselves. However, Spock would be court martialed for practicing medicine without a lisence. Dr. McCoy would never agree to formulate this serum. Dr. McCoy is one of the worst offenders of this Christmas atrocity and therefore cannot be counted on as an ally.

Spock types in a command on his dataPADD, calling up EarthAmazon's shopping site. Amazon carries anything one might require in stock. The company promises guaranteed same day delivery for the holiday season. Excellent. 

Spock does not have to wait long before the parcel from Amazon materializes in his quarters. He unwraps the package, unleashing the giant plastic bag inside. It is large enough to hold every single article of Christmas aboard ship. He will wait until Delta Shift, nutralize the Enterprise's crew with harmless gas. He will gather up of the offensive Christmas items in this bag and then dispose of it all in the airlock. Then and only then can this ship return to normal daily functioning. 

At Delta shift, precisely 00:00 hours, Spock quickly turns on the gas, which renders the crew roaming the corridors, in their cabins and duty stations immediately unconscious. They will not awaken for six hours. He dons his oxygen mask and exits the quarters with the giant bag.

This mission will take a while as the entire ship has been poisoned with Christmas. Spock starts with the removal of the holly from every deck's corridor. All of it goes into the massive black bag: Greens, berries, bows and all.

He travels down to Engineering, removing the Christmas decor from every nook and crannie, thrusting it all into his black sack.

He goes to sickbay. He empties the ward and especially McCoy's office of everything Christmas. Finally the medical department looks halfway decent again. Shoving it all into the bag.

He goes up to the bridge, stepping around the various unconscious humans. He yanks the chili lights off of the bulkheads, the captain's chair, his own duty station, communications, the helm. He removes the bridge's small Christmas tree. He deletes the Christmas screensaver playing on all monitors and the viewscreen. He pulls candy canes away from the clutches of the sleeping humans. All of it, into the sack.

He hears music. "Computer, he calls out. "Delete all Christmas songs from the ship's memory banks." The music stops. It is now blissfully quiet for once.

He moves quickly, from the upper to the lower decks. Cleaning out everyone's quarters, stepping over sleeping Humans and duty stations throughout the ship. He stops in the captain's cabin, removing the Christmas items. The captain is not in his quarters. No matter, the man is unconscious someplace else. The bag holds it all. However it is starting to get heavy. Even for his superior Vulcan strength. He finds himself having to drag the sack down the corridors, into the turbolift. "Computer. Airlock. Lower level," he commands.

The turbolift obediently takes him down to the airlock bay. He drags the overfilled, giant plastic bag out of the lift and over to the lock. He opens the interior door and pushes the giant bag inside, then closes it.

He hovers his hand over the red button--hesitating. True the crew will be saddened by his actions but they will thank him for this, eventually. Nevertheless he feels a stab of guilt before hitting the button and watching the bag float out of the airlock, into space. 

"Computer, disintegrate trash, command one."

"Acknowledged." A phaser beam immediately incinerates the bag and everything in it. He watches it flare up and out of existence.

There. That is taken care of. He will return to his quarters until the crew awakens.

Wait a moment. In his haste, he has forgotten something. 

"The rec-room," he whispers to himself. "The most important offender." The room has the giant evergreen Christmas tree, decorated with ornaments, lights, tinsel, garland, candy canes. It must be disposed of. 

The sack is gone now. Not to worry, he will carry the tree to the airlock.

In the main rec-room, the lights are off. He can barely see the tree, but he knows it is there. He enters the darkened room. He can smell the pine as he creeps closer.

"Lights," Spock calls out. There it is, in the corner. The gargantuan, overly decorated Christmas tree. The scourge of the Enterprise. Dispose of this last offensive article and the entire ship will forget about Christmas. 

Spock hears a noise. He turns sharply. 

Someone is here. A man. Sitting on a throne with a sign overhead that declares this area: 'Santa's Lair.' The man is clad in a red velvet suit, trimmed with white ermine fur, a wide back belt around his waist fastened with a buckle. He has on huge black boots. He is wearing a white beard, gold specticales sit on the edge of his nose, there is a red velvet hat on top of his head. The man is wearing an oxygen mask, much like Spock's. The voice is muffled. "I've been expecting you."

The man steps off of the throne. He pulls off his oxygen mask. Spock does the same. 

"What are you doing, Spock?" It is Jim, dressed up in costume. 

"Captain," Spock says. "You should be--"

"Out like a light?" Kirk chuckles. "Oh, no. I discovered your little plan. Your personal 'war on Christmas'."

"How?"

"I intercepted your Amazon order, that giant bag. And your harmless gas. I detected the odor and donned my mask." Jim takes a small step towards him. "You cleared the entire ship of Christmas, except for this room. The game is up, Spock."

"Captain...I...Christmas is illogical."

"No, it isn't, Spock." Jim takes another step towards him. Then another, then another. "It makes perfect sense."

"Captain, I deserve to be put in the brig. Court martialed."

"No, I can't do that. You're absolutely right, Christmas is not regulation." Jim takes another step towards him. 

"Captain, what are you going to do with me?"

The captain draws very close, he removes his beard and glasses and drops them onto the deck. "This." He holds what appears to be some type of plant over Spock's head.

Spock glances up. "What is that?"

"Mistletoe."

"What is it's function?"

"This." Jim leans in and gently kisses Spock's lips. 

Spock gapes at Jim in shock. "Why did you do that?"

"Because of the mistletoe. We have to kiss if we stand under it."

"We do?"

"Yes. Did you like the kiss, at least?"

Spock considers it a moment. "I did not mind."

"Would you like another?"

"Please."

Jim leans in to kiss him again, this time much more passionately. Spock relaxes and opens his mouth to let Jim's tongue in. Jim's lips are soft, warm, wet.

Eventually they end the kiss. "I dropped my mistletoe," Jim whispers. 

"Is that the only reason why you have kissed me? Because of the mistletoe?"

"I kissed you because I am attracted to you, Spock."

"Ah. It appears, that I am also, attracted to you, Jim."

"Good." Jim leads Spock by the hand over to the Christmas tree. "Come here, Spock. Let's have some fun underneath the Christmas tree." Jim pushes Spock to sit down, on the tree skirt. He unbuttons Spock's trousers. "We have some time before the crew wakes up." 

"Yes."

Jim pulls out Spock's penis. He is erect, almost painfully so. "Can I suck on it?"

"Oh, yes, Jim, please do," Spock breathes out.

Jim's takes Spock's penis into his mouth. It is warm, tight suction. It feels divine. "Oh," Spock moans out, tilting his head back, looking at the beautiful Christmas tree. "Oh...Jim...ohhhh." He reaches over and feels the velvet of Jim's Santa costume underneath his fingertips. Oh, they are in the rec-room, under the tree, making love.

"Mmmm," Jim moans. Those vibrations on his penis tip Spock over the edge. With a sharp cry he comes into Jim's mouth. Jim swallows every drop. Jim lets the organ fall from his mouth. 

"Oh," Spock gasps, breathing heavily. "Oh."

"You like a guy in a Santa suit blowing you, huh?" Jim says with a wink, wiping his mouth. 

"No, I like you, in a Santa suit, blowing me, Jim," Spock whispers. 

Jim is erect, that much is obvious. The man palms his organ through the suit. "Hey Spock," Jim says. "You ever...been fucked by a man?"

"Yes, once."

"You wanna?" Jim reaches into his pocket and produces a small tube of lubricant. "Can I fuck you, in my Santa suit, under this tree, in the rec-room, huh?"

Spock flips over onto all fours, pulling down his trousers to expose his buttocks. "Yes," he hisses. 

Jim doesn't remove that Santa suit, but only pulls out his penis. He gets behind Spock, lubricates his organ, then slides a slippery finger inside Spock, preparing him. Then two fingers. 

"Oh, hurry, Jim," Spock whispers. "Take me now." 

Jim lines up his penis against Spock and pushes in. "Ohhh," Spock whispers. "Ohhh, yes."

*

They right their attire, and step out of the rec-room. "Hear that?" Jim asks. 

There is singing. The crew, they are singing. Christmas carols. The music catalogue was deleted from the computer but yet they are still singing without it.

"Right now, the crew doesn't know that the Christmas tree is safe in the rec-room, but they're still celebrating Christmas, Spock," Jim explains. "Christmas isn't about the trappings. The gifts. The decorations. The food. Christmas is about togetherness. Communing with others. Love. Peace. Goodwill towards all in the universe."

"Yes," Spock replies. "I see now."

The crew is in the corridors waiting. "Come on in to the rec-room, everyone!" Jim says. "It's alright." The captain waves the entire crew inside. They cheer at the sight of the Christmas tree safely intact and the captain in his Santa suit.

Dr. McCoy sidles up, mug of eggnog in hand. "Well, well, well, if it ain't Santy Claus and his naughty elf." The doctor hands Spock a gift. 

Spock takes it. "I do not deserve this, Dr. McCoy."

"Merry Christmas, Spock. Open it."

Spock does. It is a 'The Grinch that Stole Christmas' sweater. Spock smirks. "Why, thank you, Doctor."

"I think you earned this. You pointy eared Grinch you." The doctor grins. 

"I apologize for my behavior," Spock announces to the crew.

"Ahhhh, it's alright, Spock," Jim says. "However, I do have an announcement to make to everyone assembled. Next year, and hereafter, Christmas is configned to the rec-room and your individual quarters only. No Christmas decor or displays in the corridors or duty stations. We went a little too overboard with the Christmas stuff. Not everyone likes Christmas shoved down their throat. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Captain!" the crew replies. 

Spock dons his grinch sweater. McCoy plops a green velvet santa hat on his head. 

Jim smiles at Spock and grabs his hand.

____________________  
end


End file.
